Psychologists have generally taken the view that personality is formed during childhood and that it is does not change much in adults.
This belief is underpinned by a wide range of research into and theories about personality and, although there is an ongoing debate about whether it is more a matter of ‘nature’ or ‘nurture,’ there is little disagreement about the limited extent to which adult’s generally change their personality.
In some exceptional cases personality does change suddenly and completely. Phineas Gage, an often quoted case study, was the victim of a freak accident in which a metal bar was driven through his skull, destroying a section of his frontal lobe; after the accident, which he remarkably survived, his friends commented that he became a completely different person. Other instances involving disease or the use of drugs can effect significant personality change, but it is not a generally observed phenomenon under normal circumstances.
This does not mean, however, that personality cannot be changed. Most people make little, if any, conscious effort to change themselves ‘on the inside,’ and the theories we use to inform our thinking about personality – notably those of B. F. Skinner, Sigmund Freund, Carl Jung and Carl Rogers – were developed a long time ago, and may reflect a more stable world view. Things have changed a great deal in the past few decades – the world is rapidly evolving and interconnected in ways never dreamed about a few years ago, and success in this kind of fluid environment requires that people be more rapidly adaptable and flexible.
It is one of the tenets of the relatively young ‘positive psychology’ field that we have control over our own lives, and that our experience of life is, in a sense, a reflection of our inner world. The beliefs that make up our internal landscape are what regulate our behavior and our perception of ourselves and others. It is our beliefs that underpin our personality and beliefs, like many other aspects of the self, are susceptible to change. They can change in response to something that appears to happen by chance, such as an illness or a ‘religious’ or spiritual experience, for example, but they can also be changed consciously. Carol Dweck, a psychologist at Stanford, writes in a paper on the possibility of changing personality that ‘beliefs matter, beliefs can be changed, and when they are, so too is personality’
The first and most important step is becoming more self-aware. Often, we are used to reacting to situations in an unconscious and reactive way, but just observing these habitual tendencies without comment or criticism is half the battle. Until you know yourself, you cannot change, and the most self-aware people are by far the most likely to change. The act of observation – becoming more aware of your behavior, your reactions and, therefore, the beliefs which drive them – will naturally cause change to arise. When you truly see how limiting some of your beliefs are they will start to fall away. New and more empowering beliefs about will rise up to replace them.
It is helpful to think of beliefs as perspectives, and these can change. If you move, so does your view – the reality stays the same, but your perception of it is different. A failure can be another piece of evidence to support the belief that nothing ever goes right, or it can be a learning experience, something to build on and something which leads to a better place in the end. When I was first applying for jobs in my last year of university (a long time ago!) I was rejected many times, but finally found a post which, in the end, led me to a new life, a new home and a great relationship. Without the numerous job rejections, none of this would have happened. The glass was most certainly half full!
Other beliefs about, for example, how outgoing you are, what other people are like, how the world operates, our relationship with money, health and so on, are also essentially matters of perspective. Changing these beliefs by shifting perspective is possible and, in many cases, not very difficult but, as with anything worth doing, it takes time and patience.
On my windowsill I have a little potted plant. Someone gave it to me many years ago and I have kept it with me, for no particular reason, through several changes of apartment. I have watered it each week over all those years and, a couple of months ago, a few buds began to appear on one of the stems which was snaking up from the base of the plant. Within a few more weeks, several dark purple flowers started to appear, and now there are five beautiful, delicate flowers, leaning towards the light. They have been there for a while and show no signs of fading away.
Nature is capable of great change and of astonishing beauty, but this change can take time. Our beliefs are like well worn tracks across a field. We are familiar with them and we have walked these tracks for so long that they seem permanent. In reality, they are temporary and other tracks are possible. It is all a matter of choice. If your personality is not serving you, new tracks can be made and, in time, become just as familiar.
Being proactive and taking control of your inner world is becoming more important as the world gets ever more complex and fluid. Personality is more dynamic, subtle and open to change than we might think – it does not define us, but it should serve us.
____________________________________________________________________
References:
- Dweck, C. S. (2007). Can Personality be C hanged? Stanford University.
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
More From Mark Harrison:
- Looking on the Bright Side
- Better Relationships: Seeing Coercion For What It Is
- Taking Back Control: Being Proactive in Daily Life
- Laughter Really Might be the Best Medicine
- The Importance of Gratitude
Tags: Can we change personality, Personality. Changing Personality
